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Set up a blog site. Probably won't update this often. At least it'll update faster than I updated my game that I had so many ideas for. Yet I canceled it. Out of anger. I don't really know how to elaborate on the "anger" part without sounding like a LARPer. What I do know how to do though is set up expectations for people and never meet them, sometimes going a completely different route and not only destroying the expectations, but their trust. See literally every one of my exes for more information. What I also know how to do, easily in fact, is let myself get captured in many, many mood swings that have caused many bridges to burn. It's totally puberty! This TOTALLY didn't start at the age of 7 instead of 13! Trust me guys. You can't decide if someone having mood swings is puberty-related, especially if they've been going through it for over 9 years. When they were a child. That's just not how mental health works, and I know a specific someone would know to both be informed on how mental health works and how basic psychology works. Shanks. That last part right there? Why, that's just another product of both of my parent's horrible personalities! I like to shift the blame on other people, sometimes subconsciously. Hey look, I just did it! Can you spot it? I know you can. This list can go on for light years! I have many, many flaws about me as a person! If you're reading this, I know for a fact you don't want to fix them. You don't know me, or you do, I don't know. Even if you do want to fix these issues, good luck. Some aspects of my personality never left the "mine!" phase of my early childhood. That's just a hint at the difficulty! If you don't want to read all of what's above, I'll summarize: I'm a bad person, and I hope to dissuade you from socializing with me with this information. Hope it worked!
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WE ARE ONE OF THE SAME
WE ARE CARICATURES OF ONE ANOTHER
LET US SUPPLY EACH OTHER UNTIL IT IS NO LONGER POSSIBLE
THIS CAN BE OUR SECRET
I had steak for dinner, by the way. Shit's delicious. You haven't lived if you haven't had a steak. Yummers. Tuuuuuuuuuum yu um yum yum :Steak: :meat: :drool: :F YU,. YUM. YUM. The fries too . HGoly shit. ddude its fries. So yummings.
You can tell I liked my dinner.
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Kind of crazy that the only thing that's stopping me from offing myself is the speck of hope for my future, and that's fading away as we speak. I'm not being taught how to drive anymore, because someone's too drunk/high to do anything remotely productive, even for work. If I had a nickel for each workday she has drunk herself out of, every single billionaire walking this planet would be a butler in my house. I would solve world hunger. The Earth would be seen as a penny to my wallet. I could give everyone unfathomable amounts of money. All 8 billion people. The constant smell of second-hand smoke gets old, very quick, and it doesn't help that the vaping brainlets at school remind me of a home that I want to move the fuck out of. I'm talking about this home. I want out.
None of my friends are willing to listen to my vents, so this blog will have to do. Although it's like crying out into a void, that's also what it was like when I used to vent to my friends. It's good to know my troubles fall on deaf ears that only care to interpret Grand Piece Online or Sol's RNG. It's crazy that a girl I've known for no more than 2 weeks at school OR players on fucking WEBFISHING of all games care to hear stories about how this household is crumbling and will inevitably collapse.
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Here's a potential combo in Blox Fruits (ROBLOX game) with Magma, E-Claw, and Skull Guitar (Magma has to be awakened):
E-Claw Z + Magma X + E-Claw C + Soul Guitar X + E-Claw X + Magma C (You can also finish off with Magma F since it does damage)
Not an insta-kill, but it does some hefty damage. Honestly, I'm not even sure if this combo is true yet. Maybe you could test it out?
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Everyone's going to have their hidden secrets about you, no doubt. But nobody ever tells me shit. And why? What's the point of hiding that information? Clearly if anything I do ails you I think a person of sound mind and body would fucking tell me but YOU KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!! I swear on my goddamned life this guy treats me like family yet can't pay back a THIRD of what I gave him per his fucking agreement. Now I'm in fake relationships because Everyone's A Piece of Shit! And NOW this guy doesn't consider me a real friend because I don't pick up on his stupid ass humor which was actually some cry for help??? Have a problem with the discord server??? why don't you leave? Why don't you just fucking leave? Wanna be fake to your friends too? I know you are because you openly talk shit about the guy who literally treats you like family and you just ignore anything serious anyone says and you blame it on THE DISCORD SERVER! PISS OFF!!!!! Mental health is important but it shouldnt be used for justification. Let's justify. Doxxing someone. Or leading someone else to suicide. All over that episode of yours! I DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU ANYMORE! Threaten people's families because you're a narcissistic piece of shit! You're not the Terry A. Davis you THINK YOU ARE!!! TWAT!!! God I fucking hate the human mind and its fragility I don't want to deal with situations like this and my other inner problems. Just wish everyone didn't act like a retard 24/7. Not like i'm any better though but every time I try to be better it results in absolutely no results. It's nerdy and weird and retarded and faggoty and edgy and sympathy-baity to express any sort of negative feeling on the internet but I'll do it anyway.
Enough about those ppl tho. Let's talk about the piece of shit who runs this house. Yeah yeah why don't you go back to that fat fucking pig and suck his fat fucking dick while I can fucking hear you two fucking each other in the ass for hours on end fuckingly. Great shit bro I think a minor absolutely needs to hear 2 drunken failures of life doing eachother. You're only a goddamn toy to him stop fucking talking to him fuck you fuck YOU AND ESPECIALLY FUCK THAT TOOTHLESS MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!! You contribute to everything negative that happens to us and I sincerely hope you pay. Incredibly lucky how you're a momma's boy and can just live at her house should things go south. Keep paying for our phone bill and fast food in prison you depraved scumbag. Thankfully one of the few reasons I'm still even here is because I want to be an example of what he wanted to be. He's not smart. He never got straight As all year. He fucking failed. Failed failed failed. Lost a job because of his retard anger issues and went to live with his retard mother.
Knowing my issues perpetuate to this day I've made the conclusion that nobody can change. Keep saying the hard R Shanks you fucking loser you don't know anything about me and you never will. Acting like the majority of Maelstrom members aren't uncomfortable with that word. Think what u want abt all this but I'm just letting you know none of you will ever change. Fuck off that computer and you still won't. Fuck all yall for hiding shit that needs to be addressed immediately. Fucking stalking someone for 3 years for example, like you dont just say IM GIVING THEM A CHANCE TO IMPWOVE :CC Like that's baby shit bro you can't be serious. If I found out someone did that to me I'd be mad! Not like OHHH THEY DIDNT KNOW ANY BETTUR DURRRRRR IM FUCKING STUPID!!! And if y'all are taking Zenkas fucking rant seriously then you might as well take this one or whatever! Not like you will because y'all hate my ass :v
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It's a beautiful night. Despite the surrounding darkness, the sky is bright with the Milky Way's presence. You lay on your back, thinking you could get used to this kind of thing. Studying the Milky Way above, having a job that you find sustaining and fun, and having a knack for camping. You study the sky intensely, every detail has not been missed. Well, except for one you've just noticed, right before it intensifies greatly. And that's when you see it: a purple light, nearly drowning out the sky. You get up and look in awe to see Satoru Gojo's Hollow Purple coming your way. And then, you fucking die. It turns out, the only reason you had been so lucky in life was because you were secretly a cursed spirit. The end. Wake up.
why cant i have dreams like the one above and not dreams that leave me genuinely disturbed and disgusted :( this one is just like funny because. its a normal life and then. jujutsu kaisen jumpscare of doom.
oh yeah sorry about the previous blogpost, i literally have no idea what came over me but im chilling now. i don't remember typing that much (or even mentioning maelstrom) so that kind of worries me but hopefully i shouldnt have an outburst like that again. or i probably will lol. idk.
New blog site + thoughts and stuff
I decided to redesign the blog site, because I felt the other one was a bit lacking. This one's good enough for me. Yes, I'll leave the April 10th blog post up this time. I definitely wouldn't read that if you don't want your blood pressure increasing ten-fold, by the way.
It's been a rough 9 months, and you could've made that distinction by the previous blog posts. However, I've been leaving some details out because I felt as if they didn't really need attention, but during all of this, I've realized most of this stuff can't go unspoken for any longer. Most of this is already known by my friends.
Before the creation of this blog site, I had a diary. Not like a written diary, but a diary I could just type in on Notepad. I used this for quite some time, but it didn't do much for me. It's basically the early version of the blog website. I mostly talked about how one of my main OCs were practically a caricature of me, and all that stuff.
Anyway, skipping ahead to June 2024. I entered a relationship with someone that goes by Bee. I'll omit their details for the sake of brevity. Me and them dated for about a month, until August 1st, when I broke up with them because I slowly started to realize the weight of my mistakes. Actually, it's an understatement to call them "mistakes." The details of why I felt this way will be private, but given this information, you can use your context clues. This is a situation I'm going to remember for the rest of my life, because unlike a specific authentic drifter, I'm one to actually take accountability and grow from my actions. I actually have grown from this (evidenced from my most recent relationship with xmap/lia) but that doesn't really change what I did. Worst of all, my insight was so fucked that me and Bee reconciled for all of two days in September, and we didn't end on good terms one bit. It was all just self-centered bullshit from me.
Moving on, I've had some problems with explosive outbursts. Shanks, who I'd call one of my best friends, has unfortunately been at the business end of these outbursts most of the time. This happened in September/October, a few weeks after the reconcilation incident. I can say with utmost confidence that this all stems from the terrible environment I grew up in, as it shaped me in the most dull, boring, and sensitive way, but that's no justification, only contextualization. I basically just had an episode where all I did was just insult people for no apparent reason, thinking that I was under fire from all of them because they weren't telling me the cold, hard truth. Insane shit.
Note: I did actually write something to vent about this to a good friend of mine (thanks ro/meta). It's attached below.
However, there's one contender in this shitshow at play that has been stalking me for about a couple months now. They're briefly mentioned in the April 10th post, but I'm not going to give their actual name. We'll call them Becca, because that's the bitchiest name I can muster at the moment. Why do I mention her? Because she's reignited my anxiety with my friends. How could someone be so morally backward? How do I know my other friends don't have ulterior motives like she did? It's all a complicated mess. She also had the gall to call her assistance in the suicide of 3 people "2 year old skeletons." Utterly despicable. Oh, and throughout all of this, she tried blameshifting by calling it a Depressive Episode. Truly the victim of the situation! Nobody deserves utter loneliness, but Becca did this to herself. She pushed us further out of her little circle because of this depressive episode and called us shitty people. We're not going to hold on to someone who treats us so badly that we've had to constantly worry about getting fucking doxxed. Feel free to respond to this, Becca! After all, this IS what you wanted, isn't it? Another reaction? Loser!
There are a lot of other issues I had this year, but it's mostly just inconveniences that I took too seriously. I have a problem with that, too. I guess the first step is admitting it. Sorry if this blog post took a shockingly aggressive and grim tone, I've never been this mushy before (I've been raised NOT to be this mushy) and plus it's also something I need to start doing. It's pretty fake to not be honest with your friends about egregious shit. I'll try to start being honest with people this time.
(Attached here is a vent for the outbursts.)
Drama & Exposals
We need to start critically fucking thinking, especially when it comes to internet drama and "situations."
I can name five people that were in situations that only got worse because of utter ignorance of anything beyond the "for you" page: Souldrivenlove, Kwite, Saberspark, Selectorch, and ProJared (to an extent). If I'm receiving proper answers from fucking REDDIT of all places, there's something truly wrong with how the internet handles drama. Nobody wants an explanation for anything, because the loud minority who hates that one content creator who has allegations against them perpetuates hate and derision towards them.
Now, the average internet user would agree with me that we should start critically thinking about accusations and not believing the victim first. But then, they'll start shitting on a YouTuber they hate most because they didn't like them! Say you're this person and you don't like Hotdiggedydemon. What happens if he had some random accusation against him? Would you immediately believe the victims (if applicable) or be on the fence and wait for more information? Answer honestly, because the average internet user like you would echo a very large but possibly wrong assertion.
What's my point here? My point was already stated but I'll reiterate it. Keep in mind the shit you say and spread, and wait for both sides to say something. Critically think about what makes a situation legitimate or not.